M.o.T.U. Meets M.o.F.W. V. V. Reinhart Disclaimer: I don't own He-Man, and I don't want to. He has scary man-breasts that could potentially crush beer kegs. In fact, he showed me once in a Christmas party and-Oh, forget it...Anywho, M.o.F.W. belongs to me, and so does this story, and John's soul (I'm only borrowing it). I have spoken, and I'm STILL the Master! Chapter One He-Man was heroically wandering through a flowery field of goodness outside of Greyskull Castle with his trusty battlecat. He heroically decided to pick a flower, and laughed happily at the good day he was having. Life was happy. Chapter Two Skeletor looked up from his Bag-O-Tricks, and turned to his villainous cohorts. "I have just summoned the ultimate being to utterly destroy that heroic He-Man once and for all." He laughed and cackled evilly. Both at the same time. His henchmen all laughed, but they didn't cackle. Cackling is reserved for the main villain only. Abruptly, there was a knock. Not a hard, mean, villainous knock, but a knock nonetheless. In stepped a young man with a brown ponytail, and a UPS cap. He was wearing a FIU shirt. He looked upon his clipboard to verify the address (He had thought it would have been a prettier place.) "Ok. Well, one ultimate being to utterly destroy that heroic He-Man once and for all. Sign here, please." The delivery man held out the clipboard. "Wow, that was fast." Trapjaw said. "Yeah, musta been overnight delivery." Beastman growled. (He growled because he's Beastman, and that's what he does, damnit!) Skeletor villainously signed the clipboard. The delivery man looked and said, "And a 19.95 [plus tax] charge for immediate delivery." Skeletor, upon the drastic realization that he had no pockets, wallets, or pictures of his loved ones, sighed and shrugged. "Just take Spikor, he'll work off the debt." The delivery man looked, and pulled out his Spikor handling kit after handing Skeletor a refrgierator crate. Spikor stopped laughing. He didn't stop cackling because only the main villain can cackle. So he never started in the first place. Spikor started crying. And Skeletor opened the crate... Chapter 3 He-Man looked up from his flowery field, and heroically shouted, "Zounds! Something...WOMBATTY...must have been released!" Whilst the battlecat played with a ball of yarn. Chapter 4 And out stepped a dangerous foe indeed. Skeletor sneered villainously as the one and only Master of the Flying Wombat appeared from within the container. "YES! FINALLY, MY MEAN TO HE-MAN'S END IS HERE! HAHAHAHA [CACKLE CACKLE]!!!!!" Skeletor laughed, and cackled. Both at the same time. "Yeah, okay, whatever. So what am I doing here? Why have you summoned the Master?" Said the Master (Who could cackle and laugh if he so wished, because he's a badass.) "To kill He-Man." "Oh, okay. Any rush?" "Nah. Just do it by lunch, will ya? I wanna raid Greyskull castle's fridge." "Okay. Later." "Hey, Master..." "Yeah?" "Any chance ya wanna hang out afterwards? Ya know, chillin' like a villain." "Why the hell not? Sure." "Cool. See ya." "Yeah, see ya." Chapter 5 1/2 He-Man heroically trotted to battle with the useless Man-At-Arms and the semi-attractive-but-hey-she's-a-woman Teela, and Ram-Man. Immediately, they came upon the Master of the Flying Wombat, who was whistling a really cool song John wrote called 'Piano Theme in B Minor'. It was hard to whistle, but the Master was the Master. He-Man shouted, "Man-At-Arms, stop him at once!" ... ...Nothing... "...Man-At-Arms?" "He-Man, I gotta problem." "What's that?" He-Man heroically asked. "I shot myself in the foot again." He-Man sighed (still heroically)"Again?" "And I soiled myself. But that was because I shot myself in the foot in the first place." It seemed to be time for He-Man to try another move. Man-At-Arms sucked. Stupid bastard. "Ram-Man, ram him!" "Sure. Har har." Ram-Man POINGed at the Master with ramming speed. But it was useless against wombat-speed. The Master evaded, and Ram-Man fell into the lava pit which was inconveniently right behind the M.o.F.W. There was a sizzly plop sound and a smell like strawberry pancakes. He-Man was going to ask for Teela's help, but he didn't see her nearby. "Over here, He-Man, I was captured again." He-Man smiled. "I can always count on you, Teela." He heroically turned to the Master. "Now, you wombatty fiend, you shall suffer." Chapter 27 They both advanced towards eachother slowly. Right as they started a charge, a loud ring occured. Both stopped immediately. "Zounds! What is that?" He-Man asked aloud. "It's your cell-phone...ass." The Master replied. "Oh." Heroically reaching into his loincloth, He-Man pulled out a cell-phone and opened it. "Mom, I can't talk right now...No, I'm battling evil and saving freedom and happiness...Yes, I washed it...Uh-huh. Yeah, gotta go, bye Mom, love ya." "Done yet?" "Sorry." He-Man discared his cell-phone in the lava pit. (The bastard's rich, he can afford another.) Okay, we gonna do this the hard way, or the easy way?" "Don't waste my time, He-Wuss." They immediately grappled, and the fight...was...ON!!!! Chapter 1 He-Man heroically challenged, "One-Two-Three-Four, I declare a thumb war." And the two were matched evenly, neither gaining or losing ground for three years. At last, He-Man came down upon the Master's thumb with his own. "One-Two-Three-Four, I win the-" As he was about to cry victory, The Master pulled a Flying Wombat Wild Card attacked, and kicked He-Man in the heroic loincloth. "AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" He-Man went down, but not heroically. His pride was hurt with this one. The Master was preparing to launch his mega-super-spiffy attack, the Atomic Noogie! (The reason Skeletor has a skull rather than normal face.) Suddenly, He-Man used HIS mega-super-spiffy attack. He punched. Straight into the Master's nose. TH-WOCK! BA-DAM! KA-CHEAP-O-GIFT! "OW!" The Master cried. "Uh...Ow?" He-Man asked. "Yes 'ow.' That really hurt! I think I'm gonna leave, you can keep your Greyskull castle, and your Teela, and your Man-At-Arms, and your Ram-Man." "But you killed Ram-Man." "Oh yeah...Sorry about that." "It's okay." The ringing recommenced. He-Man heroically reached into his loincloth to find another phone. He found no other phone, but didn't remove his hand. The Master picked up his phone. "Yeah? Seth's Comic Store? MageKnights tournament!?! Yeah, gimme a sec, Steve!" He-Man looked at the Master. "So this is goodbye?" "Yup. That punch hurt." "Sorry." "No biggie. See ya." "Hey Master!" "Yeah?" "Wanna hang out sometime?" "Sorry, no..." "Oh...ok." Epilogue The Master went back to Skeletor's to be chillin' like a villain, and invited Kenny to come over since Sorceress was there. M.o.F.W. was later inducted into the 'Villains Who Suck at Fighting He-Man Gang.' There was punch and pie. THE END...ass.