Name:     Zapp
IP:       128.135.118.107
Subject:  Re: Look out!  Here comes another one!
Email:    zapp_ronin@hotmail.com
Website:  http://
I like it still, D-man.
It is powerful like everyone so far has said it is - an undenyable slice of real life, made
creepier by the fact that I lost my journal recently...Anyway.
One thing that struck me was that there was no description of smells in the story.  Again, this
may or may not be intentional, and it's certainly your option to include smell desciptions or
leave them out.  I think a _little_ smell description would help, especially when he walks into
the misty air and takes that big, cleansing breath and holds it.  It could also provide a detail
about the environment - city air and country air smell very different (I relearn this every day
on my way to class).  Just a thought.
And I don't know about the title... it doesn't inspire me to read the wonderful story that
follows.
Nate, if you're listening (and Derek too, of course), you two have a very similar writing style
at times.  What would happen if you two collborated on something?  Might be interesting.
Keep up the good work, my friend.--ZAPP