Name:     Shells
IP:       206.139.7.85
Subject:  No Subject
Email:    spot@hub.ofthe.net
Website:  http://
Fuck... y'all don't know it.. but I just accidently deleted half my message I had typed... Now
to do it all over again.Okay.. here it goes...
Today IT finally happened... my bestfriend chose his girlfriend over me.  While some of you may
be like "big deal" or "this happens all the time", this is the first time it has happened to me,
especially with this person (who shall remain nameless to protect his comic-lovin' ass).  And it
hurts like all Hell.
What upsets me the most is the reasoning behind his choosing. It seems to me he chose her
because she would be more upset, angry at him, and that it would really hurt her feelings. 
Because I'm the mature one who has the Judeo-Christian Forgiveness thing that I can't shake no
matter how hard I try, that it would be okay to hurt me.
Boy that pisses me off.  It seems like everyone has the right to walk all over me and let me
down because they know I'll forgive them.  And what sucks even more is that probally by Tuesday
when I see him, I won't be angry anymore.  I'LL HAVE FORGIVEN AND I HATE THAT!!!  Why does being
the bigger one have to suck so fucking much?? The whinning, crying little brat will get whatever
the hell she fucking wants while the quiet child who understands that she can't have the toy
today will probally never get it?
And what is worse is that I can't tell him how much it hurt me.. Sure... he will probally read
this as he has been known to frequent this page.  But he still won't be able to know.  Cause if
I did vent, then that would make him upset.  So no, I have to be "Victorian Passive" like I
always am (sometimes...most of the time...), and just invite him to stand me up for an outing
again or hurt me some other way next time.   And what sucks most is I can't stop it. I can't
stay angry at people... I've only known one person who I have not totally forgiven... and even
that I'm starting to move on and not hate him (not my bestfriend... i realize i'm using too many
pronoun ref.... this is a former boyfriend guy).
But bah... I have to go now make sure that the other guy who said he would go with me to this is
going to be able to go.  Thank you for being my Therapist's couch..
I love you all,even the Comic-lover, no matter how hard I try not to.Shells